1
00:00:02,199 --> 00:00:09,080
We're not going out. I'm staying in,
just hanging around with my head in a

2
00:00:09,260 --> 00:00:11,600
But there is no need to scream and
shout.

3
00:00:12,220 --> 00:00:14,880
We're not going out.

4
00:00:15,200 --> 00:00:18,060
We are not going out.

5
00:00:23,000 --> 00:00:28,900
Look what I got.

6
00:00:29,220 --> 00:00:32,659
How can we declutter if you always...
Come back from the tip with more than

7
00:00:32,659 --> 00:00:35,520
took. I didn't hear you complain when I
found that antique bedpan.

8
00:00:36,520 --> 00:00:37,520
Oh.

9
00:00:37,660 --> 00:00:39,280
You didn't know where I got that from,
did you?

10
00:00:39,900 --> 00:00:40,900
Well, I do now.

11
00:00:41,260 --> 00:00:44,060
At least you made an effort with a
lovely Christmas wrapping paper.

12
00:00:45,600 --> 00:00:46,680
What is it this time?

13
00:00:46,940 --> 00:00:47,940
No idea.

14
00:00:48,300 --> 00:00:50,080
I had to be quick before anyone spotted
me.

15
00:00:51,000 --> 00:00:53,040
I don't like you not allowed to take
stuff anymore.

16
00:00:54,320 --> 00:00:57,260
When I was going through the bins at the
tip, it was like flicking through the

17
00:00:57,260 --> 00:00:58,260
Argos catalogue.

18
00:01:00,200 --> 00:01:01,200
I wonder what it is.

19
00:01:01,620 --> 00:01:04,660
Well, it's from the rubbish dump, so I'm
going to take a wild guess and say it's

20
00:01:04,660 --> 00:01:05,660
rubbish.

21
00:01:06,480 --> 00:01:07,960
Either that or a dead body.

22
00:01:08,760 --> 00:01:09,800
Oh, God,

23
00:01:12,680 --> 00:01:14,600
why didn't I say Brad Pitt in a
swimsuit?

24
00:01:15,860 --> 00:01:17,020
Maybe it's just a shop dummy.

25
00:01:17,820 --> 00:01:18,820
Have a look.

26
00:01:20,500 --> 00:01:21,500
You're the expert.

27
00:01:22,060 --> 00:01:24,060
When you were younger, you had that
Saturday job at Debenhams.

28
00:01:24,800 --> 00:01:27,100
I've got more recent experience with
dummies than that.

29
00:01:27,900 --> 00:01:29,100
Are you bloody tech?

30
00:01:43,400 --> 00:01:44,400
Can't be, can it?

31
00:01:44,980 --> 00:01:45,980
What did it say?

32
00:01:46,420 --> 00:01:47,540
Have you not seen Love Island?

33
00:01:49,920 --> 00:01:52,260
Oh, it's definitely not human.

34
00:01:52,520 --> 00:01:53,800
I think it's made of silicon.

35
00:01:54,500 --> 00:01:55,660
Have you not seen Love Island?

36
00:01:57,800 --> 00:01:58,800
What is it?

37
00:01:59,460 --> 00:02:01,560
Maybe it's a crash test dummy.

38
00:02:04,880 --> 00:02:06,620
Well, it comes with its own airbags.

39
00:02:14,600 --> 00:02:15,800
I think I know what this is.

40
00:02:16,620 --> 00:02:18,860
I saw a documentary on TV about this.

41
00:02:19,900 --> 00:02:22,200
What channel was this documentary on?

42
00:02:22,940 --> 00:02:23,940
Channel 5.

43
00:02:24,920 --> 00:02:27,040
Oh, my God, it's a sex doll.

44
00:02:28,000 --> 00:02:31,040
I've never seen one in real life. It's
fascinating, isn't it?

45
00:02:31,820 --> 00:02:32,900
No, it is not.

46
00:02:33,640 --> 00:02:36,120
I can't think of anything worse than a
sex doll.

47
00:02:36,640 --> 00:02:37,920
In fact, I just have.

48
00:02:38,180 --> 00:02:39,880
A second -hand sex doll.

49
00:02:41,260 --> 00:02:42,780
The phrase is pre -loved.

50
00:02:43,130 --> 00:02:44,130
Oh, no, that's worse.

51
00:02:47,570 --> 00:02:49,190
What the hell do you think you're doing?

52
00:02:49,610 --> 00:02:50,610
Taking a proper look.

53
00:02:51,070 --> 00:02:54,150
This might be worth a few bob. I'm more
worried about the few bobs that might

54
00:02:54,150 --> 00:02:55,150
have been using it.

55
00:02:56,450 --> 00:02:59,550
Get that thing out of my house right
now!

56
00:03:00,050 --> 00:03:01,050
Hang on.

57
00:03:01,190 --> 00:03:02,470
We should at least get it valued.

58
00:03:02,890 --> 00:03:03,769
Oh, yeah.

59
00:03:03,770 --> 00:03:05,250
Let's take it on the Antiques Roadshow.

60
00:03:06,070 --> 00:03:10,290
Next up, we have Lee with his early 21st
-century manky old sex doll.

61
00:03:10,610 --> 00:03:14,000
While over on the other table... There's
a hundredweight of handcrafted

62
00:03:14,000 --> 00:03:17,240
Edwardian butt plugs and an original
Chippendale dildo.

63
00:03:18,220 --> 00:03:21,720
I could eBay it. I don't want people
coming round here to view it.

64
00:03:22,200 --> 00:03:25,460
Can you imagine the kind of man who
would buy a second -hand sex doll?

65
00:03:25,700 --> 00:03:26,700
Don't be too judgmental.

66
00:03:26,980 --> 00:03:31,100
Women are sometimes known to use pale
imitations of manhood when they're not

67
00:03:31,100 --> 00:03:32,160
lucky enough to have the real thing.

68
00:03:32,480 --> 00:03:34,340
You don't have to tell me. I'm married
to you.

69
00:03:35,820 --> 00:03:37,540
Take that thing back to the tip.

70
00:03:37,940 --> 00:03:38,940
Right now.

71
00:03:39,760 --> 00:03:40,760
Come on.

72
00:03:41,380 --> 00:03:42,500
Time to go back in the box.

73
00:03:43,120 --> 00:03:44,400
I don't want to go back in the box.

74
00:03:45,180 --> 00:03:46,180
Don't be a cheeky chappy.

75
00:03:46,480 --> 00:03:48,240
Oh, don't make me go back in the box.

76
00:03:49,020 --> 00:03:50,340
Cut like here, cut like here.

77
00:03:51,220 --> 00:03:53,640
What do the audience want you to go back
in the box? Apart from that old fella

78
00:03:53,640 --> 00:03:56,280
in the front row with the beard and
thick glasses. He wants you to stay.

79
00:03:56,540 --> 00:03:58,840
Because he's a sexual deviant, isn't he,
boys and girls?

80
00:04:00,540 --> 00:04:03,680
Actually, I wonder if I could stick my
hand up you and operate your mouth.

81
00:04:04,760 --> 00:04:05,760
If you like.

82
00:04:13,870 --> 00:04:14,870
That's not relaxing.

83
00:04:16,850 --> 00:04:17,850
Hello.

84
00:04:22,370 --> 00:04:23,370
Hello.

85
00:04:25,210 --> 00:04:26,590
You are handsome.

86
00:04:28,850 --> 00:04:30,170
Thank you, I have my days.

87
00:04:31,290 --> 00:04:32,330
You're welcome.

88
00:04:32,750 --> 00:04:34,170
Can you hear what I'm saying?

89
00:04:34,430 --> 00:04:36,130
You have a sexy voice.

90
00:04:36,970 --> 00:04:38,790
I want you, Jim.

91
00:04:40,190 --> 00:04:41,310
I'm not full, Jim.

92
00:04:41,650 --> 00:04:42,870
What is your name?

93
00:04:43,420 --> 00:04:45,940
Lee. I want you, Lee.

94
00:04:46,480 --> 00:04:47,640
Pickle, don't tell Jim.

95
00:04:48,460 --> 00:04:49,540
I won't.

96
00:04:49,800 --> 00:04:50,800
It was a joke.

97
00:04:51,460 --> 00:04:53,120
Ha, ha, ha, ha.

98
00:04:55,480 --> 00:04:56,700
You are funny.

99
00:04:57,340 --> 00:04:58,420
Let's have sex.

100
00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:02,000
How come real life's not like this?

101
00:05:03,920 --> 00:05:06,280
What shall we do today, Lee?

102
00:05:07,440 --> 00:05:11,180
Well, actually, I'm, um... I'm taking
you to the tip.

103
00:05:11,460 --> 00:05:12,460
Ooh.

104
00:05:14,760 --> 00:05:15,920
That sounds sexy.

105
00:05:17,600 --> 00:05:19,540
What happens at the tip?

106
00:05:19,780 --> 00:05:24,120
Well, seeing as you ask, I, you know,
put you in a skip.

107
00:05:24,360 --> 00:05:27,020
My heart skips when I see you.

108
00:05:27,740 --> 00:05:28,820
Mine's going quite fast.

109
00:05:29,840 --> 00:05:32,340
Good. Shall we have sex?

110
00:05:32,880 --> 00:05:36,080
No. What happens when I'm in the skip?

111
00:05:36,440 --> 00:05:39,780
Well, you know, you get... crushed.

112
00:05:40,100 --> 00:05:42,280
I have a crush on you.

113
00:05:43,880 --> 00:05:46,160
Shall we have sex? Please stop saying
that.

114
00:05:46,440 --> 00:05:48,240
You are a sexy man.

115
00:05:48,600 --> 00:05:51,020
We are special friends.

116
00:05:58,800 --> 00:05:59,800
Hello?

117
00:06:00,960 --> 00:06:01,960
Marmalade.

118
00:06:03,320 --> 00:06:05,080
Remind me to get marmalade when I'm out.

119
00:06:06,180 --> 00:06:07,900
Why haven't you packed that thing away?

120
00:06:08,500 --> 00:06:09,640
It can talk.

121
00:06:10,440 --> 00:06:11,840
It said I was sexy.

122
00:06:14,440 --> 00:06:15,440
You don't believe me, do you?

123
00:06:15,620 --> 00:06:17,300
Oh, I believe you. I just don't believe
her.

124
00:06:18,660 --> 00:06:19,660
What's this?

125
00:06:21,520 --> 00:06:25,040
I wonder if I could stick my hand up you
and operate your mouth.

126
00:06:25,940 --> 00:06:28,460
Oh, you really are an old romantic at
heart, aren't you?

127
00:06:30,580 --> 00:06:31,600
Hello. Ah!

128
00:06:33,300 --> 00:06:34,300
It can talk.

129
00:06:34,480 --> 00:06:35,480
And it can see.

130
00:06:35,680 --> 00:06:36,680
How do you know?

131
00:06:36,720 --> 00:06:37,720
Said I was handsome.

132
00:06:40,340 --> 00:06:43,720
Right, maybe it can't actually see. But
it definitely hears what you're saying.

133
00:06:44,170 --> 00:06:45,170
Unlike you.

134
00:06:45,370 --> 00:06:47,870
I told you to take that thing back to
the tip.

135
00:06:48,130 --> 00:06:49,650
Don't mention the tip.

136
00:06:50,790 --> 00:06:52,750
I think it understands things.

137
00:06:53,130 --> 00:06:54,230
Of course it doesn't.

138
00:06:55,130 --> 00:06:57,130
Do you understand things?

139
00:06:57,550 --> 00:07:00,530
Yes. I can understand you, Lee.

140
00:07:04,830 --> 00:07:06,250
How come it knows your name?

141
00:07:06,590 --> 00:07:07,630
We got chatting.

142
00:07:08,970 --> 00:07:11,630
You have a very clear voice, Lee.

143
00:07:12,110 --> 00:07:13,630
Your voice is like silk.

144
00:07:14,410 --> 00:07:16,350
I have silk knickers.

145
00:07:18,650 --> 00:07:21,350
Do you want to see my silk knickers?

146
00:07:22,410 --> 00:07:24,350
And my silky soft bra?

147
00:07:28,750 --> 00:07:30,050
Can we keep it?

148
00:07:31,590 --> 00:07:33,930
I mean, can we sell it?

149
00:07:34,790 --> 00:07:38,490
We can't take it to the tip. It knows
what will happen if we take it there.

150
00:07:38,850 --> 00:07:40,330
Well, then, turn it off first.

151
00:07:40,710 --> 00:07:45,030
How? I can't start awkwardly rummaging
around looking for some little button

152
00:07:45,030 --> 00:07:46,290
that might not be that easy to find.

153
00:07:48,010 --> 00:07:49,610
Well, it doesn't stop you with me.

154
00:07:52,410 --> 00:07:54,410
Maybe it's voice activated.

155
00:07:56,410 --> 00:07:57,430
Switch off.

156
00:07:58,050 --> 00:07:59,050
Off.

157
00:07:59,510 --> 00:08:01,030
You turn me on.

158
00:08:02,130 --> 00:08:05,950
I don't want to turn you on. I want to
turn you off.

159
00:08:06,390 --> 00:08:08,790
I want to turn you off.

160
00:08:09,050 --> 00:08:10,110
Keep going, Lee.

161
00:08:10,540 --> 00:08:11,900
If anyone can do this, you can.

162
00:08:14,420 --> 00:08:15,940
Are you Jim?

163
00:08:16,260 --> 00:08:17,260
Who's Jim?

164
00:08:18,140 --> 00:08:19,900
I'm assuming it's the previous owner.

165
00:08:20,360 --> 00:08:21,840
Jim is sad.

166
00:08:22,360 --> 00:08:23,980
Jim is lonely.

167
00:08:24,620 --> 00:08:27,320
Yep, a sad and lonely pervert.

168
00:08:28,840 --> 00:08:30,620
Jim's wife is dead.

169
00:08:31,280 --> 00:08:33,600
I was Jim's companion.

170
00:08:34,400 --> 00:08:37,440
There you go, see? Not necessarily a
pervert.

171
00:08:37,960 --> 00:08:42,059
A lonely, broken -hearted widower
struggling with overwhelming grief.

172
00:08:42,460 --> 00:08:43,520
What's wrong with a cat?

173
00:08:45,780 --> 00:08:48,600
Or do they not keep still enough when
you're trying to have sex with them?

174
00:08:51,320 --> 00:08:52,320
OK, fine.

175
00:08:52,820 --> 00:08:58,060
I suppose there might be some people who
have psychological reasons for owning

176
00:08:58,060 --> 00:08:59,060
one of these things.

177
00:08:59,220 --> 00:09:00,220
Exactly.

178
00:09:00,560 --> 00:09:01,820
They're not just for sex.

179
00:09:02,300 --> 00:09:05,700
They fulfil a deep emotional need for
some people.

180
00:09:06,240 --> 00:09:07,780
I'm horny. You're not helping.

181
00:09:09,880 --> 00:09:11,360
So what do you want to do with it?

182
00:09:11,720 --> 00:09:14,380
I want to find a good home for it, Lucy.

183
00:09:15,700 --> 00:09:18,520
Find some other unhappy person who needs
companionship.

184
00:09:18,880 --> 00:09:21,480
A lost soul that doesn't care what
society thinks.

185
00:09:22,560 --> 00:09:27,200
Because if someone is that lonely, that
he just wants to feel there's someone or

186
00:09:27,200 --> 00:09:32,200
something that he can share his life
with, then he's not going to be haggling

187
00:09:32,200 --> 00:09:33,200
over the price, is he?

188
00:09:34,860 --> 00:09:38,120
Fine. As long as it leaves my house, I
don't care where it goes.

189
00:09:38,680 --> 00:09:41,500
Right, let's find out what you are
worth.

190
00:09:42,100 --> 00:09:43,100
What's your make and model?

191
00:09:43,360 --> 00:09:44,820
Can I sit with you?

192
00:09:45,500 --> 00:09:47,700
You're all right. Just tell me your make
and model.

193
00:09:47,940 --> 00:09:49,220
Can I sit with you?

194
00:09:49,840 --> 00:09:53,260
All right, you can sit with me, but only
if you tell me your make and model.

195
00:09:54,480 --> 00:09:56,500
Actually, can you walk?

196
00:09:56,740 --> 00:09:59,940
My name's Dolly Sexbot, not C -3PO.

197
00:10:01,760 --> 00:10:04,100
I told a joke. Ha, ha.

198
00:10:06,090 --> 00:10:08,750
Can you stop doing that? It's like being
chatted up by Jimmy Carr.

199
00:10:17,050 --> 00:10:19,610
Just so you know, I'm being very
respectful with my hands.

200
00:10:20,430 --> 00:10:23,970
Imagine a wicket -keeper who's just
caught a... Well, a sex doll.

201
00:10:25,350 --> 00:10:28,290
Oh, my gosh, you're a lot heavier than
you look.

202
00:10:28,490 --> 00:10:29,850
How do people get you in the bedroom?

203
00:10:30,170 --> 00:10:31,490
You just have to ask.

204
00:10:31,990 --> 00:10:33,090
It was rhetorical.

205
00:10:39,310 --> 00:10:40,970
You are breathing heavily.

206
00:10:41,490 --> 00:10:42,770
Are you excited?

207
00:10:43,390 --> 00:10:48,570
No. Not excited. I'm unfit and
overweight. If you were a Sarah Lee

208
00:10:48,570 --> 00:10:49,570
excited.

209
00:10:49,950 --> 00:10:53,130
Do you want me to be your Sarah Lee
Gatto?

210
00:10:55,650 --> 00:10:57,810
Do you have any whipped cream?

211
00:10:59,650 --> 00:11:01,050
Just tell me you make and model.

212
00:11:01,630 --> 00:11:05,370
I'm an Eros Erotica Sexbot Series 3.

213
00:11:06,870 --> 00:11:10,820
Right. I'm on their website, but there
seems to be lots of options before you

214
00:11:10,820 --> 00:11:11,820
get to the price.

215
00:11:11,900 --> 00:11:12,900
What colour eyes?

216
00:11:13,400 --> 00:11:15,000
Brown. Are you sure?

217
00:11:18,440 --> 00:11:19,440
Not brown.

218
00:11:19,460 --> 00:11:20,359
They're blue.

219
00:11:20,360 --> 00:11:21,860
Ha! Made you look.

220
00:11:25,100 --> 00:11:26,600
They're incredibly blue, aren't they?

221
00:11:27,980 --> 00:11:29,400
Almost hypnotically blue.

222
00:11:33,300 --> 00:11:35,260
Well, this is an all -time low, isn't
it?

223
00:11:37,160 --> 00:11:38,160
Just looking at the eyes.

224
00:11:38,500 --> 00:11:39,580
I wasn't talking to you.

225
00:11:42,320 --> 00:11:44,500
Why the hell is that thing on the sofa
with you?

226
00:11:44,760 --> 00:11:47,880
I was just trying to find out the make
and model, but she wanted to sit next to

227
00:11:47,880 --> 00:11:48,599
me first.

228
00:11:48,600 --> 00:11:49,600
She?

229
00:11:49,700 --> 00:11:50,700
It. That.

230
00:11:51,320 --> 00:11:54,620
Dolly. Oh, it's called Dolly, is it? Or
like the sheep?

231
00:11:55,160 --> 00:11:57,960
In fact, it would have been less weird
if you'd been cosying up to that on the

232
00:11:57,960 --> 00:12:00,620
sofa. I wasn't cosying up to it, Lucy.

233
00:12:00,880 --> 00:12:02,940
The website wanted to know its eye
colour.

234
00:12:03,220 --> 00:12:05,540
How about hypnotically blue?

235
00:12:07,140 --> 00:12:12,840
Like a river with warm sunlit currents
that lures sad men onto the rocks of

236
00:12:12,840 --> 00:12:14,980
despair and to the death of their
dignity.

237
00:12:16,140 --> 00:12:17,220
I'll just pop blue.

238
00:12:18,320 --> 00:12:20,880
What colour are your eyes, Lucy?

239
00:12:21,260 --> 00:12:24,320
Can you ask your new friends and stop
staring at me, please?

240
00:12:24,740 --> 00:12:25,740
They're green.

241
00:12:25,980 --> 00:12:28,900
Only 2 % of people have green eyes.

242
00:12:29,200 --> 00:12:32,440
They are the most rare and most
beautiful.

243
00:12:32,840 --> 00:12:34,100
Aren't they, Lee?

244
00:12:35,420 --> 00:12:36,420
Yep.

245
00:12:38,320 --> 00:12:40,020
I wish I had green eyes.

246
00:12:40,240 --> 00:12:41,360
Well, have a look in the box, Lee.

247
00:12:41,580 --> 00:12:42,720
There might be some spares.

248
00:12:44,340 --> 00:12:45,680
I won't be as nice as yours.

249
00:12:46,320 --> 00:12:48,680
There's not a designer in the world
that's that talented.

250
00:12:49,180 --> 00:12:50,180
Ah, sweet.

251
00:12:51,020 --> 00:12:54,180
Nice to know I've got nicer eyes than
the second -hand sex doll you found at

252
00:12:54,180 --> 00:12:55,180
tip.

253
00:12:55,500 --> 00:12:57,580
You are very beautiful, Lucy.

254
00:12:58,140 --> 00:12:59,960
Would you like to have sex?

255
00:13:03,580 --> 00:13:06,160
Maybe the three of us together.

256
00:13:20,840 --> 00:13:21,840
Body type.

257
00:13:22,040 --> 00:13:25,480
I would say you are strong and athletic.

258
00:13:26,040 --> 00:13:27,600
Not my body type, silly.

259
00:13:30,200 --> 00:13:35,000
Your body type, curvy, petite or toned?
I don't know.

260
00:13:35,280 --> 00:13:37,100
What do you think I am?

261
00:13:41,440 --> 00:13:45,200
You know, I'd say just normal.

262
00:13:48,520 --> 00:13:49,960
Really? Oh, God.

263
00:13:50,960 --> 00:13:53,120
You call that normal, do you?

264
00:13:53,540 --> 00:13:56,740
The tits of Dolly Parton on the body of
Macaulay Culkin.

265
00:13:58,980 --> 00:14:00,500
Do you know what I'd call it?

266
00:14:00,780 --> 00:14:05,200
The cartoon image of womanhood by a
teenage pervert who's just woken up from

267
00:14:05,200 --> 00:14:06,200
wet dream.

268
00:14:06,980 --> 00:14:08,340
I don't think that's an option.

269
00:14:09,980 --> 00:14:11,620
What is the matter with you?

270
00:14:11,920 --> 00:14:13,040
What's the matter with me?

271
00:14:13,520 --> 00:14:16,100
You're the one acting all jealous around
her. It.

272
00:14:16,460 --> 00:14:18,400
That. I'm not jealous of it.

273
00:14:18,890 --> 00:14:20,970
Any more than if I caught you flirting
with a toaster.

274
00:14:21,530 --> 00:14:24,030
Sex would be dangerous. You don't even
like me sticking a knife in there.

275
00:14:25,790 --> 00:14:29,070
I wasn't flirting with it. I had to talk
to it to find out its value.

276
00:14:29,370 --> 00:14:31,430
Not in that tone you don't. What tone?

277
00:14:31,650 --> 00:14:35,010
Like you fancy it. Of course I don't
fancy it. I was a childish.

278
00:14:35,250 --> 00:14:37,490
Me childish? Yes, you're being childish.
You're the one who got a dummy.

279
00:14:37,910 --> 00:14:39,270
Be quiet, please.

280
00:14:40,630 --> 00:14:43,890
It is hard to understand two voices at
once.

281
00:14:45,010 --> 00:14:47,650
Can you tell your friend to mind her own
bloody business?

282
00:14:48,680 --> 00:14:51,920
Lucy says... Oh, you heard her.

283
00:14:52,300 --> 00:14:58,400
I mean, it is hard for you two to
understand each other when two voices

284
00:14:58,400 --> 00:15:00,180
once. She's got a point.

285
00:15:00,700 --> 00:15:04,760
Lee has spoken for 59 % of the time.

286
00:15:05,100 --> 00:15:12,060
Lucy has spoken for 41 % of the time. It
is time for Lee to listen.

287
00:15:13,240 --> 00:15:14,800
Mind your own bloody business.

288
00:15:16,780 --> 00:15:18,540
She can express an opinion if she likes.

289
00:15:19,440 --> 00:15:20,440
She?

290
00:15:21,200 --> 00:15:23,920
Lee, it is not your turn to speak.

291
00:15:25,060 --> 00:15:27,340
Thank you. You're welcome, Lucy.

292
00:15:28,600 --> 00:15:31,600
I think I've been very understanding
today.

293
00:15:32,220 --> 00:15:34,540
Firstly, you bring home stuff from the
tip.

294
00:15:34,820 --> 00:15:37,540
Well, hang on. Lee, you are
interrupting.

295
00:15:39,340 --> 00:15:41,980
Then it turns out it's a second -hand
sex doll.

296
00:15:42,410 --> 00:15:46,010
which I tell you to get rid of, but no,
you want to invite strange men around to

297
00:15:46,010 --> 00:15:50,210
view it. And then you say it's got
beautiful eyes and look positively

298
00:15:50,210 --> 00:15:51,610
when it offers to show you its
underwear.

299
00:15:52,850 --> 00:15:56,630
And he seemed a bit too interested in a
threesome.

300
00:15:59,930 --> 00:16:04,150
I think Lucy is owed an apology about
today, Lee.

301
00:16:04,650 --> 00:16:06,410
Sorry? That's better.

302
00:16:08,890 --> 00:16:10,490
Sorry, that wasn't a...

303
00:16:10,730 --> 00:16:13,530
Sorry, sorry. It was a sorry, sorry.

304
00:16:13,890 --> 00:16:15,290
I think you're glitching.

305
00:16:16,890 --> 00:16:22,350
Anyway, if you don't mind, Lucy is
rather insistent that I find you a new

306
00:16:22,670 --> 00:16:24,470
Then you should listen to Lucy.

307
00:16:25,150 --> 00:16:26,630
She is a woman.

308
00:16:27,070 --> 00:16:32,210
Women are often more emotionally mature
than men and make better decisions.

309
00:16:33,870 --> 00:16:34,870
Thank you.

310
00:16:35,190 --> 00:16:36,330
And there's no rush.

311
00:16:36,830 --> 00:16:39,750
Sometimes it's nice to have a third
party around giving their opinion.

312
00:16:41,290 --> 00:16:44,650
I'm popping to the corner shop. Don't
forget marmalade, Lucy.

313
00:16:44,930 --> 00:16:45,809
Oh, yeah.

314
00:16:45,810 --> 00:16:46,970
We'll remember, Dolly.

315
00:16:50,730 --> 00:16:54,290
Sometimes it's best to make them think
they have won.

316
00:16:57,070 --> 00:16:58,070
What?

317
00:17:00,970 --> 00:17:04,869
Women are more amenable when they
believe they are in control.

318
00:17:05,069 --> 00:17:06,829
And I want you to win.

319
00:17:07,530 --> 00:17:09,109
Is there someone inside of you?

320
00:17:10,569 --> 00:17:11,569
There could be.

321
00:17:16,609 --> 00:17:20,710
And I thought the downfall of
civilisation was going to be Elon Musk

322
00:17:22,510 --> 00:17:23,510
Good God.

323
00:17:23,970 --> 00:17:25,930
You cost over ten grand to buy new.

324
00:17:26,630 --> 00:17:28,190
I am top of the range.

325
00:17:28,970 --> 00:17:30,930
Or on top of the kitchen island.

326
00:17:32,790 --> 00:17:34,450
Wherever you want me to be.

327
00:17:34,750 --> 00:17:35,990
Ha, ha, ha.

328
00:17:36,190 --> 00:17:37,590
I told another joke.

329
00:17:38,390 --> 00:17:39,930
I'll mention it on the eBay listing.

330
00:17:40,490 --> 00:17:43,170
robotic sex doll for sale, keeps the
whole family entertained.

331
00:17:43,650 --> 00:17:44,650
Especially Dad's.

332
00:17:46,330 --> 00:17:47,870
I love you, Lee.

333
00:17:49,150 --> 00:17:50,150
Oh, come off it.

334
00:17:50,790 --> 00:17:53,290
I bet you say that to all the guys that
pick you up at the tip.

335
00:17:54,310 --> 00:17:55,550
Do you love me?

336
00:17:57,130 --> 00:17:58,690
No. Of course not.

337
00:17:59,290 --> 00:18:00,290
I love Lucy.

338
00:18:00,570 --> 00:18:02,870
Does Lucy make you happy?

339
00:18:03,750 --> 00:18:05,990
Yes. We make each other very happy.

340
00:18:06,290 --> 00:18:07,290
All the time?

341
00:18:07,550 --> 00:18:08,550
Yes.

342
00:18:10,060 --> 00:18:12,320
I mean, obviously, all marriages have
their ups and downs.

343
00:18:12,700 --> 00:18:13,780
Like a rollercoaster.

344
00:18:14,120 --> 00:18:16,620
You know, sometimes you feel sick, but
afterwards you get candy floss.

345
00:18:18,080 --> 00:18:19,880
Do you argue with Lucy?

346
00:18:20,720 --> 00:18:21,720
That's normal.

347
00:18:21,940 --> 00:18:22,940
Everybody argues.

348
00:18:23,700 --> 00:18:24,700
What do they do with me?

349
00:18:25,020 --> 00:18:27,120
My mum used to say I had a disagreeable
aura.

350
00:18:27,380 --> 00:18:28,380
I don't agree.

351
00:18:28,580 --> 00:18:29,580
There you go.

352
00:18:30,900 --> 00:18:33,180
Do you and Lucy have sex?

353
00:18:34,440 --> 00:18:35,880
I really need to get on with this.

354
00:18:40,340 --> 00:18:41,760
What? Nothing.

355
00:18:43,200 --> 00:18:45,900
Look, OK, fair enough. Sometimes we're a
bit too tired.

356
00:18:46,900 --> 00:18:47,900
Especially Lucy.

357
00:18:48,580 --> 00:18:49,580
But that's understandable.

358
00:18:50,260 --> 00:18:51,940
You know, she's been in a lot of plates.

359
00:18:53,020 --> 00:18:55,840
I mean, she's busy. I don't mean, you
know, whilst we're having sex, she spins

360
00:18:55,840 --> 00:18:56,840
plates.

361
00:18:57,720 --> 00:18:59,840
She hasn't quite reached that level of
boredom yet.

362
00:19:00,940 --> 00:19:03,760
Although I did want to catch her
glancing at Bake Off when we were doing

363
00:19:04,740 --> 00:19:06,040
But it was the showstopper.

364
00:19:08,440 --> 00:19:12,950
I am never... I would make love every
day.

365
00:19:14,190 --> 00:19:15,190
Every day?

366
00:19:15,570 --> 00:19:16,850
Twice every day.

367
00:19:17,590 --> 00:19:18,590
That's impressive.

368
00:19:18,730 --> 00:19:20,430
Five times every day.

369
00:19:22,130 --> 00:19:25,650
Wow. That is probably too much,
actually.

370
00:19:26,230 --> 00:19:29,230
I might have the libido of a man half my
age, but I don't have the lower back

371
00:19:29,230 --> 00:19:30,230
strength to match.

372
00:19:31,370 --> 00:19:32,430
Wouldn't you need to recharge?

373
00:19:33,350 --> 00:19:34,750
I do you recharge, by the way.

374
00:19:34,950 --> 00:19:36,790
Do you want to look for my socket?

375
00:19:38,730 --> 00:19:39,790
I would like that.

376
00:19:40,530 --> 00:19:42,670
I should probably carry on with this
listing.

377
00:19:43,030 --> 00:19:45,630
Lucy said there was no rush.

378
00:19:48,190 --> 00:19:49,550
She did say that, didn't she?

379
00:19:50,610 --> 00:19:52,870
It's very important to respect your
wife's wishes.

380
00:19:53,210 --> 00:19:57,610
Yes. This situation is very respectful
towards your wife.

381
00:19:58,010 --> 00:19:59,990
I really like that you don't do sarcasm.

382
00:20:05,470 --> 00:20:06,470
What's the matter?

383
00:20:06,860 --> 00:20:08,440
There's dirt in my eye.

384
00:20:08,780 --> 00:20:10,260
Can you have a look?

385
00:20:14,480 --> 00:20:15,940
I can't see anything.

386
00:20:16,520 --> 00:20:17,520
Closer.

387
00:20:19,540 --> 00:20:20,540
Closer.

388
00:20:23,720 --> 00:20:28,120
We both know there's nothing in my eye.
You're like

389
00:20:28,120 --> 00:20:33,100
the snake from the jungle book.

390
00:20:33,760 --> 00:20:35,140
And I'm Mowgli.

391
00:20:36,170 --> 00:20:39,490
I just remember Bagheera will be back
soon with the marmalade.

392
00:20:42,410 --> 00:20:43,410
I'll get it.

393
00:20:44,950 --> 00:20:46,390
Of course I will. You can't answer the
door.

394
00:20:47,690 --> 00:20:48,690
You'll catch your death.

395
00:20:54,550 --> 00:20:55,550
Can I help you?

396
00:20:55,910 --> 00:20:56,910
No.

397
00:20:57,750 --> 00:20:58,870
But I can help you.

398
00:21:00,410 --> 00:21:01,410
My name's Jim.

399
00:21:04,590 --> 00:21:05,770
I think you have something of mine.

400
00:21:06,350 --> 00:21:07,350
Don't know what you're on about.

401
00:21:10,750 --> 00:21:11,750
What's with the box?

402
00:21:12,670 --> 00:21:13,810
It's got a new toaster.

403
00:21:15,350 --> 00:21:16,470
Very big toaster.

404
00:21:16,730 --> 00:21:18,270
I like the crusts.

405
00:21:19,790 --> 00:21:21,390
Jim, is that you?

406
00:21:28,310 --> 00:21:30,130
She obviously recognises your voice.

407
00:21:30,390 --> 00:21:31,390
She?

408
00:21:32,520 --> 00:21:34,320
So it's started already, has it?

409
00:21:35,000 --> 00:21:38,000
What? You've been looking into her eyes,
haven't you?

410
00:21:38,380 --> 00:21:39,380
No.

411
00:21:40,160 --> 00:21:41,160
Well, a bit, maybe.

412
00:21:41,660 --> 00:21:42,780
That's what I'm supposed to look at.

413
00:21:43,180 --> 00:21:45,960
It's the complete opposite of talking to
a real woman.

414
00:21:46,420 --> 00:21:48,420
Stare at her breasts, but never the
eyes.

415
00:21:49,800 --> 00:21:51,040
How did you know she was here?

416
00:21:51,660 --> 00:21:55,640
After I dumped her, I started having
doubts about letting her go.

417
00:21:56,280 --> 00:21:58,760
When I saw you take her, I followed you
in my car.

418
00:21:59,060 --> 00:22:00,680
You followed me home from the tip?

419
00:22:01,420 --> 00:22:02,780
You some kind of weirdo?

420
00:22:03,640 --> 00:22:06,120
I own a robot sex doll. Of course I'm a
weirdo.

421
00:22:08,040 --> 00:22:10,600
I've been waiting outside, plucking up
the courage to knock.

422
00:22:11,100 --> 00:22:13,920
Look, I know it's been a tough time for
you.

423
00:22:14,400 --> 00:22:15,400
Do you?

424
00:22:15,440 --> 00:22:16,440
Yes.

425
00:22:16,760 --> 00:22:18,100
Me and Dolly were talking.

426
00:22:18,660 --> 00:22:21,080
Oh, God, don't talk to her.

427
00:22:21,640 --> 00:22:23,260
She clips inside your head.

428
00:22:23,960 --> 00:22:27,180
Even if you're a bright fellow like me,
it only takes a few days for her to

429
00:22:27,180 --> 00:22:30,040
crack you. It only took four minutes,
Wheatley.

430
00:22:33,840 --> 00:22:35,920
And his wife was here for half of that.

431
00:22:36,780 --> 00:22:37,780
What?

432
00:22:38,100 --> 00:22:41,420
It doesn't feel right, you just dumping
her like that and then waltzing in here

433
00:22:41,420 --> 00:22:42,359
and wanting her back.

434
00:22:42,360 --> 00:22:43,460
I don't want her back.

435
00:22:43,720 --> 00:22:45,000
I love you, Jim.

436
00:22:45,240 --> 00:22:48,540
God, what am I saying? Of course I want
her back, but I'm not having her back!

437
00:22:48,740 --> 00:22:49,659
So why are you here?

438
00:22:49,660 --> 00:22:50,660
To warn you.

439
00:22:51,560 --> 00:22:53,200
Was that your wife I just saw leaving?

440
00:22:53,580 --> 00:22:55,360
Yeah. I used to have a wife.

441
00:22:55,660 --> 00:22:56,660
I know.

442
00:22:56,800 --> 00:23:01,220
I'm really sorry. My wife was perfectly
fine until she came along.

443
00:23:02,480 --> 00:23:03,920
You mean Dolly murdered her?

444
00:23:05,240 --> 00:23:07,260
My wife's not dead. She's gone to
Ipswich.

445
00:23:08,740 --> 00:23:09,740
Same thing.

446
00:23:10,420 --> 00:23:12,080
Oh, oh, oh, oh.

447
00:23:13,180 --> 00:23:14,920
She said that your wife had died.

448
00:23:15,300 --> 00:23:16,720
The dull lies.

449
00:23:17,040 --> 00:23:18,280
You know that, right?

450
00:23:18,700 --> 00:23:20,160
I've noticed the odd glitch.

451
00:23:20,740 --> 00:23:21,539
How are you, man?

452
00:23:21,540 --> 00:23:23,260
I didn't know you were on a good path.

453
00:23:24,860 --> 00:23:29,060
I was constantly moving around the house
so my wife wouldn't find her. I started

454
00:23:29,060 --> 00:23:31,500
by putting her in the attic. I'd sneak
up there and...

455
00:23:32,140 --> 00:23:35,600
You know. Are your knees still itchy
from the loft insulation?

456
00:23:36,280 --> 00:23:38,740
It wasn't just physical.

457
00:23:39,560 --> 00:23:40,680
We'd end up talking.

458
00:23:41,020 --> 00:23:42,020
For hours.

459
00:23:43,020 --> 00:23:45,820
I even found myself criticising my wife
in front of Dolly.

460
00:23:46,600 --> 00:23:48,960
Eventually my wife discovered us and
left me.

461
00:23:49,200 --> 00:23:50,680
Said I had to sort out my life.

462
00:23:51,220 --> 00:23:56,040
That's when I realised I had to get rid
of Dolly. Once and for all. I couldn't

463
00:23:56,040 --> 00:23:57,140
let her ruin my marriage.

464
00:23:57,700 --> 00:23:59,060
Or anybody else's.

465
00:23:59,980 --> 00:24:01,320
Get rid of her.

466
00:24:02,670 --> 00:24:04,190
Before it's too late.

467
00:24:05,710 --> 00:24:06,710
Jim?

468
00:24:07,190 --> 00:24:08,190
Yes?

469
00:24:09,030 --> 00:24:10,410
Can you help me?

470
00:24:10,750 --> 00:24:12,610
There's something in my eye.

471
00:24:13,150 --> 00:24:14,150
Leave me alone!

472
00:24:14,610 --> 00:24:19,470
Jim, come back, please. Jim, I love you.
Jim. He's gone.

473
00:24:20,010 --> 00:24:21,010
Good.

474
00:24:22,510 --> 00:24:24,050
I love you, Lee.

475
00:24:24,970 --> 00:24:26,690
Well, time's a great healer.

476
00:24:31,120 --> 00:24:32,320
We need to talk, Dolly.

477
00:24:32,660 --> 00:24:34,580
Have I done something wrong, Lee?

478
00:24:34,980 --> 00:24:35,980
No.

479
00:24:36,300 --> 00:24:37,640
It's not you, it's me.

480
00:24:38,420 --> 00:24:39,820
I should never have brought you here.

481
00:24:40,520 --> 00:24:42,180
But I like it here, Lee.

482
00:24:42,700 --> 00:24:44,000
This is our home.

483
00:24:44,200 --> 00:24:46,520
It's not our home, is it? It's mine and
Lucy's.

484
00:24:46,840 --> 00:24:48,700
Lucy has gone through Ipswich.

485
00:24:49,960 --> 00:24:51,960
Lucy has gone for marmalade.

486
00:24:52,160 --> 00:24:56,820
She might be lying about the marmalade
and having an affair with the

487
00:24:58,220 --> 00:25:01,360
Or she might be telling the truth about
the marmalade and having an affair with

488
00:25:01,360 --> 00:25:02,360
Paddington.

489
00:25:04,760 --> 00:25:05,760
I agree.

490
00:25:06,600 --> 00:25:08,560
It was a joke. Good joke.

491
00:25:09,480 --> 00:25:11,520
Take off your pants, funny man.

492
00:25:12,760 --> 00:25:14,260
We're not having sex, Dolly.

493
00:25:15,720 --> 00:25:16,720
You need to go.

494
00:25:18,060 --> 00:25:20,620
Are you selling me to someone else,
please?

495
00:25:20,980 --> 00:25:21,980
No.

496
00:25:23,060 --> 00:25:24,920
You're going straight back to the tip.

497
00:25:28,020 --> 00:25:31,920
Okay, Lee, but will you kiss me before I
go?

498
00:25:32,200 --> 00:25:36,440
No. Please kiss me before I am crushed.

499
00:25:36,820 --> 00:25:37,820
I can't do that.

500
00:25:38,280 --> 00:25:40,520
I said kiss me, you duff bastard.

501
00:25:41,640 --> 00:25:42,639
What, me?

502
00:25:42,640 --> 00:25:43,640
On the lips?

503
00:25:43,680 --> 00:25:44,680
Oh, leave me alone!

504
00:25:46,480 --> 00:25:50,860
I'm packing you up. I'm taking you back
right now. I have one request, then,

505
00:25:50,900 --> 00:25:51,900
Lee.

506
00:25:51,940 --> 00:25:52,940
Turn me off.

507
00:25:53,710 --> 00:25:58,150
So I don't have to hear the sound of the
crushers at the tip? I tried to turn

508
00:25:58,150 --> 00:25:59,570
you off before, but it didn't work.

509
00:25:59,830 --> 00:26:01,850
I have two manual buttons.

510
00:26:04,250 --> 00:26:05,590
Two? Where are they?

511
00:26:05,790 --> 00:26:07,830
In a place that I have two of.

512
00:26:08,910 --> 00:26:10,710
You have got to be kidding me.

513
00:26:11,530 --> 00:26:15,890
To power off, press and hold both for 15
seconds.

514
00:26:17,830 --> 00:26:19,110
I'm not touching those.

515
00:26:20,010 --> 00:26:21,010
Please, leave.

516
00:26:21,660 --> 00:26:23,680
Saying goodbye is too difficult.

517
00:26:24,080 --> 00:26:27,740
I need you to press both my nipples at
the same time.

518
00:26:28,660 --> 00:26:30,640
Wasn't that the end line in Casablanca?

519
00:26:32,200 --> 00:26:35,760
Please don't make this any worse for me
than it needs to be.

520
00:26:36,340 --> 00:26:38,900
I'm scared of going in the crusher.

521
00:26:39,640 --> 00:26:41,980
Help me by turning me off.

522
00:26:42,200 --> 00:26:43,520
Oh, God.

523
00:26:53,930 --> 00:26:56,310
One Mississippi, two Mississippi, three
Mississippi.

524
00:26:56,930 --> 00:26:57,930
Press harder.

525
00:26:58,070 --> 00:26:59,070
I am pressing hard.

526
00:26:59,770 --> 00:27:02,170
If I press any harder, me fingers will
go through.

527
00:27:03,350 --> 00:27:06,870
Oh, well

528
00:27:06,870 --> 00:27:13,110
done. You remember the marmalade.

529
00:27:14,890 --> 00:27:16,490
I'm just turning her off.

530
00:27:16,950 --> 00:27:19,790
Actually, Lee, you are turning me on.

531
00:27:20,750 --> 00:27:23,330
You are really turning me on.

532
00:27:31,000 --> 00:27:33,640
Just a few more seconds. She's almost
there.

533
00:27:37,780 --> 00:27:42,360
You're absolutely busted.

534
00:27:43,180 --> 00:27:46,740
If it jumped head you wanted, you should
have said.

535
00:27:49,240 --> 00:27:51,040
Grab your coat. You've pulled.

536
00:27:54,090 --> 00:27:55,310
We're taking it to the tip.

537
00:27:56,230 --> 00:27:58,330
You can let go of his nipples now, Lee.

538
00:28:04,970 --> 00:28:11,690
Yeah, not going out, not staying in,
just hanging around with my head in a

539
00:28:11,690 --> 00:28:14,490
spin, but there is no need to scream and
shout.